If You Were Her Bridesmaid, Does She Need To Be Yours?

November 03, 2018

If You Were Her Bridesmaid, Does She Need To Be Yours?

Choosing your bridal party is supposed to be a fun experience and a way to show your closest girls how much you love them! But it can also be hard! There are many things that go into consideration when deciding who will support you on the alter. How do you choose between your closest friends from different stages in your life? Do you ask your fiancé’s sister? Will they all get along? It can feel like an overly stressful decision when the list just seems never ending! The question we most often hear is,"I was in their bridal party, do they need to be in mine?" Keep reading for our thoughts and some helpful tips!


Getting Started

Before you get ahead of yourself, sit down with your fiancé and figure out how big you want your bridal party to be. The size of your bridal party does not have to be exactly equal to your number of groomsmen, but it may look weird if one side has three while the other has eight. Consider the number of guests at your wedding, and if it's more intimate, maybe make the bridal party smaller. If you are having hundreds of guests, maybe you have more in the bridal party! 

After you and your hubby have decided on the size of your bridal party, it is time to look more closely at who you are going to ask! If you are having a more intimate party, your friends, especially the ones you may have lost touch with, will understand if they do not get the invite, but your sister and sister-in-law to-be do. If you are having a larger wedding party, it might be worth it to add in one or two to avoid any hurt feelings.


Making the List

The best way to start is with your ‘no brainers’. It is those girls who you can absolutely not see yourself at the alter without. This may be your sister, your childhood best friend, or a roommate from college! These girls are easy to identify and makes it an easy place to start! If all of your bridal spots are taken after that, no need to move into the next step! If you still have some vacancies, it is time to consider the girls that you could see as a bridesmaid but have some hesitation. If you were a bridesmaid for them recently (within the last year), it might be nice to consider them more seriously. If you were a bridesmaid for them over a few years ago, there should be no sense of obligation.


You’re Lucky!

Although it is a hard choice, you are so lucky to have so many good friends to choose from. Regardless of the size of bridal party you have, you have enough people that love you in your life to fill it! And it is all the love and support they have given you through the years that make this decision so difficult. 

One general rule of thumb to follow: if you were a bridesmaid for their wedding but they didn’t make the cut for yours, be sure to invite them to the wedding with a plus one! Not inviting them at all could lead to an even stickier situation. 

Be Open and Communicate

Ignoring the situation will not make anything better and definitely do not let them find out through the grapevine! By being open with them and explaining your reasoning (in the nicest way possible), they are more likely to understand. Chances are that she understands the circumstances and history of your relationship, will feel the same and won’t be offended.


Brides ask all different types of people to be stand by their side and be bridesmaids for their own reasons. If we all had to reciprocate the favour, we would end up with 15 bridesmaids made up of the ones you want and the ones you are just returning the favour to. Remember, it's your big day and don’t let little drama get in the way.


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